I'm ready for another one of these tiny little blessings in our home so I can enjoy....
|.......watching him gaze into his daddy's eyes with the comfort of knowing he is safe|
|......having and a tiny little one snuggling up to me|
Because getting pregnant with Daxton was somewhat difficult, McKay and I decided I wouldn’t go on birth control and that we would wait to see what happens. As a matter of fact, in this case the worst scenario would be getting pregnant unexpectedly, which we could manage. Considering our history, what are the chances of conceiving with me having PCOS, still nursing Dax and not being on fertility medications? Ummmm… pretty good apparently ! We are so excited to be pregnants again, and thank heavens we didn’t have to take those horrible fertility treatments, which were emotionally and physically difficult for both McKay and me.
How I found out…….
For about a week I was slightly nauseated and couldn’t sleep at night. It was getting so bad that I needed go see a doctor to find out what was wrong. I was thinking, when I go in I can hopefully get something for the nausea, something for sleep and birth control (We had actually just made the decision to start BC again because residency is more work that we expected, and I didn’t want to have to juggle Dax, pregnancy and eventually a new baby without McKay’s help…I was pregnant at the time of that decision). Anticipating the pregnancy question from the doctor, I decided to take a test to be absolutely sure pregnancy wasn’t the source of my recent health issues. I was also hoping to get a sleeping med that actually works and I assumed that finding out if I was pregnant was very important prior to having that conversation.
I got home, took the test and to my surprise it was positive! I sat there in shock and looked at it more times than I can count. Back and forth, from the box to the + test, over and over. I couldn’t believe it! I’m pregnant!?! I was in a very unfamiliar situation. I was accustomed to taking a test, praying that it was positive and being disappointed when it was negative. This time around I was thinking “It’s going to be negative” and I had finally come to accept and expect that result. After the shock wore off, I looked over at Dax playing in the bathroom drawer and immediately started to cry. I was happy and terrified all at the same time. When I found out, Dax wasn’t walking yet, still nursing and was just simply a “baby”. How could I have another one? I kneeled down and said a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for this wonderful blessing and asked him for strength and comfort, and to know everything was all going to be okay. I was so happy!
How McKay found out is a different story. I didn’t tell McKay for 3 + days because he was so busy working 14 + hour days, there just wasn’t a good time to tell him. Sometimes he goes days without seeing Dax because he is gone before he wakes up and gets home well after he has gone down for the night. In anticipation of a future good moment to break the news, I made this cute little sign that said “A bun in the oven”, stuck it in a bun and put it in our oven. It was there for 3 days before I felt he was ready to hear the good news. I didn’t want to tell him while he was exhausted, stressed and worn out. When the time came, I asked him to take a look at the oven because I thought something was wrong with it. Attempting to “fix” the oven he saw my message, turned around with shock and tears in his eyes and gave me a huge hug. He then looked at me and said, “ You look beautiful, and you look pregnant.” We were so happy!
I am now 17 weeks along and I am just starting to feel better. I’m pretty sure the whole neighborhood, and everyone at Costco and the grocery store know I’m pregnant because I have had a few episodes of throwing up in less than ideal places. Actually, it has kind of been a nightmare. This pregnancy has been completely opposite from my first. I have zero energy, terrible heartburn, bad complexion and I’m really sick. I just feel plain yucky!
I know what you are all thinking, “it must be a girl!” Nope, it’s a BOY! We found out last week. I thought I was going to be sad if it was another boy, but when my friend Lindsay did the ultrasound and said McKay was sure good and making boys, I was pleasantly surprised at how happy I was and at how perfect he already was. She let me watch him move around much longer than a regular ultra sound appointment and I enjoyed every second of it. I have to admit I had more of a connection and feelings of love for this child than I did with Dax during his ultra sound. Maybe its because I understand better that the little black and white baby on the monitor will soon be in our arms and running around reeking havoc on anything in his path. This time, I was also able to imagine him and his personality outside my tummy. Soon after seeing the baby, I immediately knew he was suppose to be a part of our family. He and Dax are going to be best buddies, even with all the fighting and frustration that will come with brothers being 18 months apart.
I can’t say it enough, we are so happy and have complete faith that building our family is pretty much out of our hands. Heavenly Father definitely has a special plan or our little family.